AHHHH YOUR TAGS ON THE LOKI ODIN SCRIPT GIFSET OMG I AM CRYING.
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, I MADE MYSELF SAD, TOO.
But, then, anything to do with that moment of Loki letting go just hurts like hell for me. Because it’s so well done but also because anything to do with suicidal scenes gets me extra hard and it always makes me extra empathetic with Loki. Particularly because it wasn’t about manipulating anyone or even angrily throwing himself into the void. In that moment, his face cleared and you could see he was almost numb, that he just gave up. That the idea of living was too painful, that he wanted oblivion, he wanted nothingness.
And that breaks my heart every time. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to want to just not be alive anymore, because living with all that pain, living with people’s disappointment, living with your own self-hatred, living with depression or anxiety or whatever other monsters are in your head, it’s soul-crushing. I honestly don’t think Loki let go to say “fuck you” to his family, he wasn’t angry in that moment, he wasn’t trying to jab at them. He was quiet and numb and just simply let go. Because he didn’t want to be alive anymore.
The tragedy being that, by the time he’s spit back out the other side of the abyss, he’s had his survival instinct kick in, but at such a great cost. He’s got a feral edge now, he’s viciously angry and full of poison and hate, all of which are covering that still broken heart.
I don’t hate Odin. I don’t think he was a terrible father in the sense that he abused his kids or that he didn’t love them. But I think he was not a wise father. I think he was spectacularly unwise in basic common sense, because HOW DID YOU EXPECT TO DEAL WITH THIS, ODIN? I realize the answer is that he probably never intended to tell Loki, that he always meant for Loki to think he was Aesir. But that’s not a good plan. Especially not when Loki was clearly already full of anger and resentment, when he would have spent years learning how to cover it up.
And I’m less inclined to be forgiving with Odin’s parenting skills because, hey, look at Thor. Yes, Thor was always a good person at heart, but HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HE WASN’T READY? How does it take having LOKI be the one to see it and act on it, with seriously the MILDEST OF FUCKING PUSHES, Thor goes off and nearly starts another war. Yes, Loki set the situation up. But the point? THOR WALKED RIGHT INTO IT. The slightest attack on Asgard, the slightest suggestion of going to Jotunheim, and Thor goes off! If Thor were ready, he never would have fallen for that. (This, by the way, is from someone who loves Thor and thinks he is amazing and the epitome of a hero because he is working damn hard to grow up, he accepts that he did stupid shit and is working to better himself and he reaches out to Loki because he still sees good in him, still believes he can come back from this madness, still loves him. That is what a hero does.)
How does Odin not see that? I cannot believe he is a wise king. I believe he is a powerful king. I believe he is basically a good person. I don’t buy evil!Odin, like, at all. But no fucking way is he a wise king. (Frankly, given that I think Thor’s turnaround had more to do with Thor himself being able to take a step back and look at his actions than Odin’s punishment actually being a good one. Even then I don’t think Odin was particularly wise, I think he lucked out.)
He loves Loki, but I think he did a shit job in raising him. And I’m deathly afraid of Thor 2 not acknowledging that Loki did have wrongs done to him and that Asgard, for all that it did NOT victimize Loki, it wasn’t a good place for him. Because hardly anyone (besides Loki fans) want to acknowledge that Loki’s slights are not imagined, even if he held onto them for far too long and took them far too close to heart.